well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
