when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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