i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
