home. puking in laundry basket.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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