Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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