At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize