then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
