new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
