Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
