I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
