i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
