First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
