I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
