i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
