I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
