it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
