Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
