last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
