ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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