Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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