Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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