I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
