nut hugger
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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