Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
