tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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