Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
