how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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