4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
