yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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