you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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