he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
