i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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