you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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