Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
