I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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