i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
