oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
