OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
