How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
