Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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