Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
