he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
