were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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