Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
