I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
