How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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