Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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