you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
