Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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