Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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