About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
