We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
