The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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