What a fucking waste of an outfit
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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