god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
