Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
