GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
