i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
