The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
