I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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