Barsexuality is the new black.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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