I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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