Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
