All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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