Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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