i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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