oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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