I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had sex on a roof
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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