I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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